Skip to main content

My Father's Tears

Courtesy of Unsplash 

"A real man never cries."
-Plenty of people

My father is over 6 feet tall, has a loud, deep voice, and a very commanding personality. Among the people who use such terms, he would be considered a 'real man'. One thing he's never projected, however, is a false sense of 'what a real man should be'.

I've seen my father cry at occasions where normal people would and should cry; when our dogs passed, when I had my accidents, when my sister was hurting, when he watched a very touching movie, when he lost his father, and at other such moments in life. Not just my father, but I've seen other significant male figures in my life, like uncles and best friends, freely express themselves. Growing up, I always knew that being in touch with my emotions was never something to be ashamed of. However, I'm not a man.

I've heard many men and boys say it over the years, this silly mantra that's repeated and shouldn't be: "Real men don't cry." How does being in touch with your emotions make you any less 'real'? I don't have any brothers, but if I did, they would be among the lucky ones who wouldn't be subjected to this ridiculous standard; their tears would not be seen as weakness, they wouldn't be seen as lesser men.

In some circles, men who earn less than their wives are seen as weak. How does what you earn define who you are as a person? Fathers who spend excessive time with their children are called 'the mom'. Doesn't the father have any rights over his own children?

Courtesy of Unsplash 

By imposing these standards on men, by expecting them to be 'strong' and 'manly', we are instead distancing them from their own families.

Psychologically speaking, telling young boys that their tears are wrong can lead to so much damage later on. It might be harder for these boys to be empathetic as they grow up, and they will suffer because of not having appropriate outlets for their emotions.

Dear society, please let's stop projecting these standards and teaching boys and men to suppress their emotions! Let's stop sending a message that tears are a sign of weakness, that being in touch with their emotions makes them less of a man.

We're living in the 21st century, and men have as much right as women do to be in touch with their emotional side.


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Fashion, Food and Furniture: A Night with Panesar Kenya

Pic by Catherine Muchira  Now, part of being a nomad does involve socialising, although this probably hasn't been all too evident in my recent posts! The evening of Thursday, the 5th of November found me attending an invite-only event entitled 'Fashion, Food & Furniture' at the Rouge Deck , hosted by Panesar Interiors . I was allowed a plus one, and decided to make my best friend tag along with me. I must admit, when I first received the invite, I was a little curious to see how the 3 themes were meant to fit together, but everything flowed seamlessly on the day of the event! I must admit, I was quite impressed. The Fashion Pic by Official Photographer The clothes on display were designed and created by Njema Helena , a company that was formed by a mother and daughters team in honour of their late daughter and sister, who passed away from cancer a few years ago. The designs were absolutely beautiful, and I loved the modern take on traditional African prints. There were ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Winding Down: A Family Vacation

First of all, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone! Apologies for silence this month; but also, THANK YOU! Thank you to all of you for being such a great audience this year. My readership in 2015 has been the highest ever- especially so in December, which is crazy because I've only published one post this month so far! So thank you, for reading, and keeping up with the Kenyan Nomad, and all the wonderful feedback you've given me this year. As we count down to my favourite holiday of the year, I wanted to share some snippets from my recent family vacation. My parents and I headed to the Rift Valley from the 20th to the 24th, and I decided to completely unplug! My phone was on airplane mode most of the time, I absolutely didn't check my messages, emails or Facebook at all, and I got to spend some time actually reading! I didn't manage to fit in as much as I would've liked, but I did read 'The Pilgrimage' by Paulo Coelho and 'Social Intelligence'...
Post a Comment
Read more

Me First

As a woman who lives in an urban society in the 21st century, I am constantly being bombarded by messages from media and advertising and even the people around me. Many of these messages encourage me to look better, be healthier, dress better; but how many of them encourage me to do it for myself?  As much as women have progressed recently, the sad thing is that in the society we live in, we are still seen as objects who should look pretty for the sake of other people. This may be changing in other places, but it is very much the case in Nairobi. What women wear and how they look are constantly being judged and criticised and held to ridiculous standards that we aren't allowed to dictate ourselves. I remember hearing the tale of a woman who got married and was made to shower, dress up in Indian traditional clothes and make-up EVERY single morning by the time she was at the breakfast table; whereas her in-laws did not adhere to these standards.  Unfortunately, many of us are at...
Post a Comment
Read more